Sometimes I want to write something innocuous on Facebook like “Puppy kisses are awesome!” so hundreds of people will click the “like” button, but then go back in and edit that post to say something like “I just made a blanket out of skinned kittens”. And then I’d go into the comments and be like “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? WHY WOULD YOU LIKE THIS? This was a test and you failed. Stop skinning kittens.”
And then I’d write a new Facebook status saying that to clear my head I’d just made a bacon-wrapped mac & cheese burrito, and after getting a bunch of comments like “Sounds delish! Share the recipe!” and “Now I’m starving. I want one!” I’d go back and change that status to “Nothing smells better than a newborn baby”.
Then I’d probably have to stop using Facebook. That might be for the best anyway.
And now, the weekly wrap-up of…
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